Puppy Training - Lesson 1

Megan has been with us now for 7 weeks - half of her wee short life! Our life seems to have been split into two - life before Megan and life with Megan!

She's a monster of a dog - she has more than doubled in size and weight; whenever people ask how old she is (3 months and one week) they are astounded at her size. Don't get me wrong she's not fat............(well there is some puppy fat but she's rapidly growing into her skin), I think it's the height of her and the size of paws. People also assume because of her size that she is a HE dog rather than a SHE dog.

Puppy training is going well......................er,......sort of..............................who am I trying to kid?

Don't you believe it - it's a con. There's no such thing as puppy training - it's really about how the dog trains its human parents. And you'll not be surprised to hear that Megan is an A* teacher and John and I are D minus students. The 'D' is for dunce by the way..................as if you hadn't guessed.

Our day goes like this....................

Around 6 a.m. the alarm goes off ......................except it isn't an alarm, it's Megan letting us know she's awake and ready for the day. One of us bolts out of bed to let her out into the garden so she can have a pee (she has slept all night and hasn't peed in her bed yet!); then she mooches around our ankles salivating and stalking us until she has her breakfast at 7 a.m. (before we get ours!).

After another trip into the garden followed by a fart and a burp, she chances her tail for some more food (Labs are the dustbins of the dog world and I've never had such a clean kitchen floor!). Then she hits the sack and it's snooze time, complete with doggie woops, woofs and piano playing with her paws as she dreams about her next food fest!

Mid morning through the use of sad puppy eyes and telepathy, it's walkies..............................and what a great time we have. The wild moorland, scrub, peat bogs and water here makes it the hunting and retrieving Utopia for Labradors. Megan is in her element - there is enough sheep poo here for her to devour until the cows come home. Why do dogs do that?

At 3 months old Megan runs free off the leash and it is an absolute pleasure to see. She is in her natural environment, behaving and performing as she should be - running, sniffing, rummaging, retrieving, bouncing, jumping, springing on all four paws ...........she's great fun to watch and be with. After a further snooze and feed at tea time, it's play time...........................sorry, that should be puppy training time.

Yeah right..........this is how it goes.

We play tug-of-war, fetch, hide and seek, don't chew my toes chew his, lick his face not mine (I know what you've been eating today!), chew his wellies not mine (I need them tomorrow to walk you), bring back my pink frilly knickers from the laundry basket (the guests don't need to know what I wear!), don't blow bubbles in your water bowl and then dribble everywhere (I got wet enough today as it was), make your smells in his air space not mine (I need to breathe to take you walking again tomorrow)............................I guess by now you are getting the picture.

At the end of the day, it's a quick walk before bedtime (weather permitting, she's not going out in the rain if she doesn't need to) and then we have a bedtime routine. We slide open the wooden hatch so Megan can walk into her cupboard (she's too big and heavy now to lift over), she settles onto her bed and waits while her collar is taken off, she has a fresh bowl of water put down for her and then her puppy kong toy is filled with some feed.

And then it's time to go ballistic as she noses this kong around the cupboard floor, bouncing off the walls until she has teased and enticed every little morsel out of it. And then she settles down for the night and snores like a pig for the next 8 hours!

Watch this space for puppy training lesson number 2...............................................................