An alternative Christmas Cake recipe

Living on an island means that I don't get to see my family and friends as often as I would like to and so I love receiving emails from them to keep in touch. I enjoy catching up on their news and views and in particular I love their wacky jokes and sense of humour.

I have one friend who has an especially unusual sense of humour and I suspect that after reading about my antics in the kitchen recently preparing for Christmas she thought I needed to lighten up a wee bit and so she sent me this recipe for her alternative Christmas cake.

My friend assures me that it works because she has tried it. I will leave it to you decide for yourself!

Ingredients:

* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4 large eggs
* Nuts
* 1 bottle Brandy
* 2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the brandy to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the brandy again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the brandy is still OK.
Try another cup... Just in case.


Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off the floor.
Mix on the turner.


If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the brandy to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.
Check the brandy.


Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or something. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the brandy and wipe counter with the cat.

Bingle Jells!

If all else fails then try Delia's Classic Christmas Cake